I used to be apparently an "easygoing" kind of gal. The one who always wants to be likable and nice. Saying "NO" was always difficultfor me because I felt responsible for the well being of others and since that was very important to me, I always had to find ways to meet other people's needs, even when that meant to sacrifice my own needs and well being. Every time that someone I cared for, treated me without appreciation or without respect, it felt horrible inside me but I was not able to express it. I could not dare to tell this person to stop treating me in this way. I was too afraid to lose her/him. I was afraid to say something that I will regret later. I was afraid to speak my truth. And sometimes through this fear I was not able to articulate any words. I just felt paralyzed but very angry inside. After many years of doing this, I started to feel tired and depleted. As if everything that I could possibly give, was already gone. Inside of me felt like a turmoil of emotions: sorrow, anger and resentment. But I could not define them then. I was almost so used to this feeling that it became part of who I was. It was not until I met my Reiki and Essenian Master, Lisa Lux, when I was faced with the truth. Looking at my negative patterns was the beginning of my healing process. All these emotions were suppressed because I was terribly afraid to hurt others. Because I knew that telling people the truth might offend them and they would never talk to me again. and of course, I didn't want to lose them or lose their "love". The interesting thing I learned is that energetically people could feel this fear of mine, and therefore unconsciously they kept doing it again and again. So through my own fears (my negativity) I kept feeding other people's negativity, too, and this became a not ending cycle. This had to be stopped, and the only one who could do it was me. In one hand, I needed to learn to deal with my anger, so that when I spoke my truth, it didn't come with rage or feelings of aggression, and in the other hand I needed to learn to express what it was needed to be expressed in truth, without "colouring" my words so that they sounded quite "nice" for fear to hurt others, fear to what they may think about me afterwards or the fear that they will hurt me too. So, in the Pleiadian Healing Circle in Canada, of which I am the leader I asked a healing wish to the High Energies through Lisa Lux: Jesus and Mary Magdalene to PLEASE HELP ME TO HEAL MY ABILITY TO COPE WITH ANGER, and thankfully they granted me this wish. Of course, it required a conscious effort of my part to make these changes, like any of our other healings one needs to take responsibility for its own healing In a short period of time, I was faced again and again with situations in which I could practice the correct way to deal with anger. This sudden change in me made me so happy. It was so rewarding. I had never felt more proud of myself before. Months later, I got the chance to ask for another healing. This time was an Essenian Healing to PLEASE HEAL MY FEAR TO HURT OTHERS. I realized that although I could manage the anger now, I was still holding my truth even when people were acting in a very wrong way. I was making excuses for their actions or deny them all together. My Master Lisa Lux channeled with the High Energies again and soon after I was granted with this healing as well. I released so much sorrow on that healing day. I realized that many emotions were suppressed through this fear. Now, few months later I feel less intimidated by others. One of my biggest test was to be involved in a car accident, where my child could have been killed. The other driver was easily a 6' tall man, big and strong. I am 5'2" but I was not afraid of him at all. I told him what he needed to hear and it felt right. People in my near circle, have noticed these changes in me, and for the most part they don't like it at all. Of course, they want the same "old me", to keep feeding their negativity but I am determined to not allowed this to happen again. So perhaps this is the best present that I am giving to all of them: an opportunity to look into their own negativity, an opportunity to change. Who knows? after all everything is a matter of choice and we all can change, if we really want!. I don't have the need to be "nice" or "likable" anymore. I have much more respect for myself and therefore for others. I now choose to be a conscious human being in everything I say and everything I do. I now choose to express my emotions in the correct way and it feels great!.
You can make positive changes in your life, not by denying the truth but by facing it. It takes courage and effort but it is so worth it!